Kindness Heightened

The Real Tall is the name of our blog. The intent was always to share snapshots of what that means, in a candid manner. We have been building towards that more and more. Last week we shared probably the “realest” post to date, discussing people making comments about height. While that was an opinion post, we were curious about everyone else’s experiences. We reached out via our Instagram stories to get some feedback, and it was impressive to hear the wide array of stories and experiences. I don’t think we even scratched the surface.

We posted a question on Instagram: Have you ever heard any type of: “How tall are you?” “You make me feel short” “What sport do you play?” “Are you a model?” or any other rude derogatory questions?

And asked how do you stay kind while responding to these type of remarks?
Read on for some of the responses we got:

• “Oh just wait till pregnancy..I try to laugh it off and never let others affect my mood”
• “OMG You’re so tall, I just say “hah yeah” and put a little smile on.
• “I find it flattering when someone asks. 5’9 not super tall but little more than average”
  “Depends on the day whether or not I kindly respond”
• “Take a deep breath before replying & keep it short and sweet”
• “Sidekick and I now respond to such askers with stating their distinctive body feature”
• “Thanks! Lol short and sweet. Anything more tends to engage people in more questions”
• “I play the opposite oh-thanks-what about you? Did you know you’re super short?”
• “Thank you! That’s so kind-you see me wearing heels? Yes! It’s because I love being tall”
• “Smile, say thank you, and remember that they’re asking because they’re jealous”
• “For me staying “kind” means just answering the question and moving on”
• “Wish I had a backbone to tell people it makes me uncomfortable, but I still smile n laugh”
• “If I know the person, I “kindly” tell them not to ask those types of questions to any tall people”
• “Ugh these questions, nowadays I just give a straight answer depending on my mood”
• “I always take it as a compliment (whether they intended it or not!) I say thank you!”
• “I don’t”
• “5’11 What about you? And then change the subject like thank you next”
• “I always say thanks with a smirk”
• “Well, the bball one is common to which I usually respond with, “I’m actually a gymnast” or “I dabble in Mini-Golf or a horse jockey”
• “Or I’m a professional at finding clothing that doesn’t fit”
• “Ask them what it’s like to be vertically challenged”
• “Or say are you vertically discriminating me?”
• “I get a lot of little kids saying I’m huge. I just laugh and agree because at 6’4” I’m a giant.”
• “I’ve only had someone be rude about my height once. I just choose to ignore him”
• “Do you play basketball? No, do you play mini golf? To keep it light but really..”
• “I give my answer with a smile and try not to roll my eyes at the same time.”
  “Do we always have to be kind though? Can I ask them how much they weigh?”
• “I remind myself that I love my height and that I wouldn’t change it for the world”
• “Not a very easy task…You got to react accordingly…”
• “Just laugh it off. Usually not meant to be as an include so why take it as one? )I’m 5’11) So Yep.”
• “One of my canned responses is “I’ve been 6’ since I was 12, you get used to it after a while”
• “Knowing being tall is amazing. I can eat the extra cookie that they can’t and that they’re jealous”
• “Yes, it makes you seem really short”
• “Awkward smile & shoulder shrug-limiting mindsets don’t deserve more energy from me”
• “I literally just laugh. They don’t even want a response they just feel better saying it outloud”
• “Thanks, I was unaware. Not something that’s ever going to change…”

I think all of these responses are a testament to how we’re feeling at the moment. They also point to the place we’re at in our lifelong journey. Sometimes I’m in an “indulgent” mood. Meaning, I’ll let someone get away asking me how tall I am. At the same time, this does not become a free-for-all ask-as-many-questions-as-you-want type of scenario. Other times, many can attest that my death glare comes out. That face typically scares people off with ease.

It comes back to the odd feeling of being a type of celebrity, when you certainly did not sign up to become a public figure. People start to act entitled to information that they would not get away with elsewhere. In particular, the response above asking about their height seems to be at least a reciprocity of sorts.

In the past, my responses have run the gamut. I can relate to most of these feelings, including (especially) “does it always have to be a kind response?”. Because we did not sign up for this, it can feel tedious at best, and enraging at its worst. A lot of people have become much more thoughtful in their responses, based on their life experiences.

Someone sent us a DM explaining that, “these types of comments used to get under my skin and I would reply with a snarky comment like “thanks captain obvious.” But as I’ve matured I’ve realized these comments are only a reflection of the other person’s shallow intellect. And so I give them a forced closed-mouth smile and say nothing back at all in hopes of making the situation awkward for them and leave them to reflect.  But at the end of the day, I’m not quick to get offended by these shallow comments because if they are so quick to point out the height differences between them and I, I can’t help but wonder if they are quick to say or think a racist thought when they see a person of a different skin color. That is big time oppression and I’ll deal with an ill-minded tall girl comment any day until I start seeing equality on foundational levels like race, sex, and gender. Until then I’ll continue to walk tall and half-smile when necessary. Just my two cents!”

A major dose of perspective. As tall women/men/people, I think most of us are pretty familiar with putting ourselves in others shoes. Being put into situations where you may feel ostracized, you quickly learn to empathize with others. It does not mean you have to be a lovely, gracious person to someone who is bothering you, but it also should not make you fly off the handle. At the end of the day, the world has bigger problems for sure. As I mentioned in the original post, we should also focus on connecting with other people and working to understand differences instead of calling attention to them.

Thanks to everyone who responded to our question. We’re hoping that reading these will inspire you, make you laugh, or make you think, or all of the above! We especially love that this seemed to strengthen the community we are trying to build here! If you did not share with us initially, we’d love if you would share below. Everyone can improve by learning from the collective group!

A quick shoutout to these outfits-You have seen these culottes here and you will likely see them again. We are working on remixing items as often as possible for y’all because this is the real world and we all wear our clothes more than once! I have been waiting to showcase this blouse and its sleeve length since last year. Caitlin is wearing the beloved Height of Fashion blouse we both have and love. You can see that one styled on both of us here as well.